I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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