Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
