I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
