Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
