i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
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I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
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I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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