I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
