Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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