Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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