i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
