ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
