Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
