mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
