i think my tv is drunk
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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