I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
People in love make me want to vomit
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
