Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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