You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
