i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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