I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
