there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
