Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize