Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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