I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
