Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize