Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
