I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
