After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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