I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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