I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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