My room smells like vodka and shame
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
