Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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