I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
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She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
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When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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