i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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