just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
