I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Let's get the cat blown out
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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