I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
