I accidentally burped into my bong.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
