Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
