Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
