He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
