Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
