I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
