dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
