You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Pants are for mortals
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
