I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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