Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
