I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
