I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
operation harelip BJ is a go
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
