i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.