The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her