Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.