I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!