So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?