Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.