I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
