He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
