you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
