I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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