I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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