Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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