STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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