Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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