is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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