He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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