No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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