covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
