i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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