She announced her abortion via fbk
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
