Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
