I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
