saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
